- What driver doesn't have a license?
Ans. A screwdriver
- Why do statues and paintings of George Washington always show him standing?
Ans. Because he would never lie
- What has a neck, but no head?
Ans. A bottle
- What has one foot on each side and one in the middle?
Ans. A yardstick
- What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Ans. Quit picking on me!
- What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the beach?
Ans. Sandy Claws
- What kind of can never needs a can opener?
Ans. a pelican
- Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?
Ans. In a dictionary
- How do you avoid falling hair?
Ans. Step out of the way
- Why did the doctor switch jobs?
Ans. He lost his patients!
- What has 10 legs and drools?
- Where do old bowling balls end up?
Ans. In the gutter
- What did one scale say to the other scale?
Ans. You have a way about you!
- Did you ever see the salad dressing?
Ans. No, but I saw the bacon strip!
- What did the mayonnaise say to the mustard?
Ans. Close the door, I am dressing!
- Why did the clock get sick?
Ans. It was run down.
- Why did the tree see the dentist?
Ans. To get a root canal.
- How do prevent a summer cold?
Ans. Catch it in the winter
- What do mechanics charge to fix tires?
Ans.A flat rate
- Why did you get rid of your watchdog?
Ans. He could not tell time
- Why did Johnny toss a glass of water out the window?
Ans.He wanted to see a water fall
- What paper makes you itch?
Ans. Scratch paper.
- What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains?
Ans. The ocean.
- What person is always in a hurry?
Ans. One who is Russian
- What did one wall say to the other?
Ans. Meet you at the corner.
- Who always goes to bed with shoes on?
Ans. A horse.
- What is the first thing you do every morning?
Ans. Wake up.
- If a child is spanked by his mother and by his father, who hurts the most?
Ans. Probably the child.
- What do people make that nobody can ever see?
- What kind of table has no legs?