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Ridiculous Riddles

What driver doesn't have a license?
Ans. A screwdriver

Why do statues and paintings of George Washington always show him standing?
Ans. Because he would never lie

What has a neck, but no head?
Ans. A bottle

What has one foot on each side and one in the middle?
Ans. A yardstick

What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Ans. Quit picking on me!

What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the beach?
Ans. Sandy Claws

What kind of can never needs a can opener?
Ans. a pelican

Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?
Ans. In a dictionary

How do you avoid falling hair?
Ans. Step out of the way

Why did the doctor switch jobs?
Ans. He lost his patients!

What has 10 legs and drools?
Ans. Quintuplets

Where do old bowling balls end up?
Ans. In the gutter

What did one scale say to the other scale?
Ans. You have a way about you!

Did you ever see the salad dressing?
Ans. No, but I saw the bacon strip!

What did the mayonnaise say to the mustard?
Ans. Close the door, I am dressing!

Why did the clock get sick?
Ans. It was run down.

Why did the tree see the dentist?
Ans. To get a root canal.

How do prevent a summer cold?
Ans. Catch it in the winter

What do mechanics charge to fix tires?
Ans.A flat rate

Why did you get rid of your watchdog?
Ans. He could not tell time

Why did Johnny toss a glass of water out the window?
Ans.He wanted to see a water fall

What paper makes you itch?
Ans. Scratch paper.

What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains?
Ans. The ocean.

What person is always in a hurry?
Ans. One who is Russian

What did one wall say to the other?
Ans. Meet you at the corner.

Who always goes to bed with shoes on?
Ans. A horse.

What is the first thing you do every morning?
Ans. Wake up.

If a child is spanked by his mother and by his father, who hurts the most?
Ans. Probably the child.

What do people make that nobody can ever see?
Ans. Noise

What kind of table has no legs?
Ans. Multiplication table.

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